Gelukkig nieuw Jaar! The Glaswegian fleet sailed to Rotterdam this year to visit Euro-Line at the Danish seamans church. She was a fabulous host, it was like Schlaraffenland. See Luigi´s paintings in the portwine gallery, he´s inspired by the herbs he got in a nice café, so some of the spectacular things you see might never have happened.
A terrifying party was haved by us at Halloween and the captain´s speech area was damaged. Now most of my announcementissimos will be made by my parrot "owl". Paintings of how scared everybody was can be seen here. Halloween, a fine festivity that is. Some lovely vamps and you can even howl at the moon if you want.
Hot lomon on myspace. On this fine link you can find the captain´s evil twin HOT LOMON. He´s said to be caught in an endless state of founding a band with the infamous Lisa Lisashenko. Help that pauper Murdoch to some money and check check check it out.
And then we forgot to sail into the harbour because the night before we captured a cargo ship owned by the Guinness Company. So when we woke up we were already somewhere around India again, so we decided just to go back to the Caribbean.
The Glaswegian captains met in Berlin, did I mention that before? We were drinking and lurching around Berlin, Princess Julia shouted at people on the street, Jozko woke up the neighbours by smoking the healthy shisha, Lisa didn´t dance naked on the party we´ve been to. Susanne didn´t, too, and Zuzka didn´t, but she´s got quite an excuse since she just entered the realm of catholic relationshipness. Obviously sinister plans have been made to take over the world and all that. Luigi was inspired and moved deeply by the Gomorrah and created some of his remarkable moustache paintings. Flickr had to hide them away from the public at the pope´s disposition, but we convinced Mr Photobucket to show them. On puppet theatres all over the Caribbean: CURSE OF THE GLASWEGIAN 2
Two long months have gone by. We were sailing down the Atlantic to Europe.
Feliz ano nuevo, folks. First, your captain does proudly confer the title of Chief Quartermaster upon the pirate Pryschnack. For bravery in babymaking and for outstanding abilities of navigating any sort of big movable thing, like ships, cars or reindeers.
Second, the gathering of the Glaswegian fleet did take place in Berlin. More on this later.
Commander Nebuloso had to stop writing last time due to the attack of the evil Spanish pirate hunter El Vanidoso. He´s no fuckin cachero, folks, and people tell he´s never been drunk all his life. What evil a man can be if his soul is filled with superficial righteousness. Bah! And I mean not pirate-evil, but wimp-evil.
Anyway, let´s not waste our breath of rum with that incompetent ugly ship´s kobold. There´s something we have to celebrate chicas y chicos! Mother Mary of the seven seas, alas, look at this tiny little cute thing here.
This is Charlotte Fabian Elisabeth, glory to la pirata guapa! Look at how cheekily and angrily she´s shaking her fist! Stirring! In a few days the captain is going down to Port Berlin to have a few drinks with the little brat. She needs to be introduced to sailing the seas of life in a dignified way. I´m gonna tell her my best children´s stories, like: How I killed Count Stupington with my nose, How 500 men starved to death in Trinidad because we didn´t know how to use the can-opener, The treasure in the jungle and how the monkey took all the gold, and a few more. Because, in information society, kids need good education. When the little pirat girl is able to walk we gonna practise the art of swordplay and how to kill enemies with your nose if your sabre is broken. Then she needs to read. Maps. Treasure maps. Difficult. Finally we just needa take care she´s not marrying a pinhead. That´s it. Fine young pirate lady, ready to sail her own ways.
I tell you, Captain Prischnak and Lady Katja are proud as a fourteen year old after losing his virginity with Pamela Anderson. It will be difficult to have conversations about drinks and treasure fleets.
Who´s in command?
El Nebuloso returns.
The captain was on a secret mission on Isla de trabajo and the last page I wrote down 2 weeks ago was eaten by a drunken deep sea monkey who came on board overnight when we were lying in Maracaibo harbour. Damn monkey. They´ve got a damn few of them down in Maracaibo, but, hey, the girls there are cheap and cheeky and have got beautiful eyes. Fair enough.
El Nebuloso became much wiser on the 30th of November. Princesses and pirates from the whole Caribbean came around to celebrate and render homage to me. In the end it turned into another ordinary orgy, everybody was lying with everybody, wine and rum in every drunken kiss, and loads of latest fashion herbs from the Amazon delta made hands and tongues and minds wander about living landscapes of welcoming sensitive flesh. Rock´n Roll was invented at one of my parties. No, I´ve got enough of all these orgies. I´m bored. There must be more to a pirate´s life than this.
Yeah, I mean, what about treasures? And, and, what about drinking? And fighting?
So many people don´t dare to want everything. They´re happy with orgies. I say, we have to want everything. We have to go straight for the impossible.
Last night was the longest night of the year. Bats and owls and Laura Branigan celebrated it together and me and my men did as well. Nowadays many people start to do things at daytime. They get up at 8 am and start to work. Lazy bastards. In old days decent men got up when the sun went down, they prepared for raids, polished their sabres, sang a nice song and then did some good robbery, a murder or a fine kidnapping of a governour´s daughter, then had a good drink and a chat with the ladies and went to bed in the morning, as our forefathers did and their forefathers, too. But the young folks today sleep longer and longer, they sleep the whole night through and get up in the morning, when the sun rises on the Eastern horizon! Disgusting! Laziness and pheromones make a proud ship rotting, is what I´m always saying. And laziness makes it rotting in an ugly way. Pheromones make it sink to the ground like the soul of a virgin, shine in the ghostly blue of non-fulfillment and sing a lunatic song of waiting. If it´s honest, this rotting is dignified.
A few days ago Lady Susanne and me wrote a message in a bottle and hung it to the neck of Francis, the one-winged carrier pigeon to bring it over to Frankfurt, Copenhagen, Rotterdam and Slovakia, where all the other captains of the mighty Glaswegian fleet ran ashore.
So far, Lady Louise, Baroness Julia - Hallejulia! Hallejulia! - and Captain Jozko answered our call. It looks as if we might get together for Hogmanay´s to have a few barrels of cheap Jamaican Rum, discuss the raid of the metaphysical realm and play some games. Usually everybody dies while doing so. But then, you know, good pirates have got 9 lifes or maybe 26.
On Sunday, Principessa Sophie, Her Majesty Vrenelie of Berlin and good ol´ Nebuloso went up to Stralsund in the far north of that country of ours. We had some good mulled wine and grog and fish and beer and toured half of the city´s pubs. They've got quite a few very good ones, it's a town on the coast and probably temporal home of pirates sinces ages. We left out all the churches and museums in order to get enough to drink. Pikes look like ducks, and the way back had us dreaming of a pirates' house in Berlin, a place where all the lucky scallywags and princesses of the sea can live together, a place where our criminal energy can dwell and give birth to the most damnable thoughts, a place I could call home. I told Luigi about the trip and he imagined how it must have been and painted everything. The cultured pirate can enjoy this collection of great art in the starboard gallery.
El Nebuloso is back. I smoke as much as usual, a clear indication of good health. My crew missed the chance to mutiny, I told you they're all cowards. If I would be pirate on this ship I would be captain now, fo shissle my nissle.
I spoke to the priest. I heard there's loads of hot ladies all over Latin America. So, since we sail there I wanna seem to be an educated gentleman and damnit I wanna tell the ladies what I want. He'll teach me Latin. There was a certain look on his face, something astonished and perplexed and as if he wanted to tell me something but couldn't for some reason. Maybe that foul cleric had thought about mutiny. I'll keep an eye on that son of a bitch.
Anyway, my lessons are going well. Let me tell you a secret, rookies. If you want a lady you need to speak her language.
Just to mention that Dec, 10th is a bit too early for me being the reason. There might be some sort of misunderstanding of my last entry.
Right, mates, Halloween night found your captain chatting with a beautiful girl in a bar. I went ashore at party island and made my way through Frederick's forest at night, there were loads of monsters disguised as sweet little children. Ah, guess it doesn't make sense to tell you all the time El Nebuloso meets beautiful ladies.. anyway, your captain is ill. Hope it's not that damned scurvy again, I fuckin need some fuckin teeth to be fuckin able to open bloody bottles, damnit. Don't dare to take command on the ship for some stupid reasons! I'm strong enough to cough you to death twice! And I can smell mutiny well in advance, just try. Not that I say I distrust my crew, but they're all bloody cowards waiting for a chance to take over my ship, my gold and my notebook with the numbers of senorinas all over the Caribbean. ARGHHH! Just come and try.
That lady was hot, wee bit shy.
On Friday night, chica Katja, Prischnak the dreadful and myself, the mighty El Nebuloso decided to sail down to Mahlsdorf to have a drink and scare some children. It was a Halloween event and the house was decorated with beautiful spiderwebs, little bugs, and a few monsters inside. Obviously, I got drunk pretty heavily. End of the story.
Katja is pregnant, there´s gonna be a little pirat soon! Ho ho ho! We await the little screaming thing on Dec, 10th, and I can´t wait to have his first pint with him. As soon as he´s got teeth to open the bottle...
Ladies, gentlemen and pirates! I proudly announce nothing. Go back to swabbing the deck and polishing your sabres and cutlasses.
By the way, this morning your captain had an encounter with a gigantic black spider in the caboose. She sat in the sink and stared at me, the body of a gigantic black wasp and eyes as big as a Manga starlet. Guess she knew the game's over, I fiercely threw her out of the window and she tried to bite me just thrice. I saw her swimming direction Berlin city, be aware beautiful ladies of Berlin, this monstrum ist probably strolling around looking for dinner. It might get afraid if you say my name: El Nebuloso
I am El Nebuloso and I´m the captain. Everybody on this bloody ship has to obey my diffuse and mean orders. Right now I´m on the way to Neverneverland to find treasures, which - for a pirate - is a goal one doesn´t have to think about too much. That´s good.
Today I went to a bloody place called the call-centre of the forsaken because a lassie told me there would be lots of money. I was asking for the treasure box and because I spoke to a lady I didn´t get into killing. They made me sign a contract and want me to come back for the money. I´m not sure whether they got it right. El Nebuloso the Terrible is gonna take over the place in a captain-like styled campaign, firing guns and managers, taking all the cute mango lassies to my private prison place on isla bonita and steal all the gold and silver treasuries of Forsa! Hooray!
It´s pretty late now, needa go to the captain´s cabin and study some cryptology. I know for sure the German telephone book is an encrypted treasure map for Blackbeard´s secret cave. Do not tell others or you´ll gonna see the transformation of a human being into sharks´ breakfast from very very close.
Heute stechen wir in See. Alas!
Wohlan denn, machen wir das erste Faß Rum auf und gedenken wir des Wirts, dem wir es stahlen. Die Karibik wartet. Eisbären und Schwarzfußindianer, Harzer Käse und Wirbelstürmchen! Juchhe! Heissa!
Let´s see what the fuck´s about to happen.